Today marks two months that I became a mother. I was hoping that something magical would happen to me after giving birth that would transform me into the super woman that I see in other mothers around me. A super mother. I’m still waiting for the transformation.
Babies have milestones that doctors measure to make sure development is on schedule. Are there milestones that new mothers are supposed to reach? I hope no one is measuring me.
I try to hold them and cuddle them and play with them as best I can, but really, in all honesty (and don’t tell the super moms around me) it gets tiresome to coo, shake toys, and converse with no response on their end. And I think they get bored of me trying too hard to entertain them. They just end up falling asleep.
How much am I supposed to play with them? I read books and pamphlets (sent courtesy of those institutions that make you feel guilty if you don’t do tummy time 18 times a day, teach your newborn the ABC’s and algebra, and let’s not even get on the nursing topic…) about stimulating a baby. If you stimulate too much it can overwhelm your baby, but if you don’t stimulate enough your baby might just end up dumb as a rock. Too bad. Better luck with your next one. Maybe if they came with instructions like making cookies: Bake at 350 degrees, 8-10 minutes. Hold baby at 3:30 for 12-18 minutes. Tummy Time at 4:00, 5 minutes. Don’t over bake. Now I want cookies…
As for taking care of two babies. You can’t imagine how hard it is to be holding one baby while the other baby lay there looking oh so cute with no one to hold him. I feel the need to be holding a baby at all times. I hold baby one while baby two just sits there. Baby two start crying so I switch babies. That’s fine. Then baby one gets a little annoyed at being left there so I switch again. This goes back and forth. I can’t just let them lie there, can I? It pains me. I need to get over this, I know. I’m learning. And the swing. It might become a little too easy to just stick them there. I don’t want that.
But I continue to learn.
And with all of the insecurities listed above, I love motherhood. I love my babies. I never imagined that my children might just be the cutest babies I’ve ever encountered (and I am convinced that this thought is not biased at all). Waking up every three hours might just be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but then I pick one of them up. He stretches his cute little arms over his head and opens up his sleepy eyes and it’s all okay. I’m awake.
Then I get spit upon.
But it’s cute spit up.
Everything about them is cute…or little. They have cute little noses, cute little feet, cute little hiccups. And they have cute little sneezes, cute little ears, and yes even cute little tooties (yup, even that).
So I’m still learning and figuring out what works. Well, mostly figuring out what doesn’t work. But it’s all about progression. And every day I’m learning how to care for two babies at once. It isn’t that hard really…at 5:30 for 10-15 minutes.
Cameron
Nathan 
Here’s their two month old shot: 
And I am still trying to figure out how to carry both of them at the same time. Any suggestions on how to do this would be welcome, but this is what I have so far: 
I caught this on camera the other day. Love it! 
Nathan
9 comments:
I love the way you say things. I love being a mother with all my soul, but I understand that is not easy, and I wish,I can be a perfect mom.. but I can not be a good mother if all is easy, being imperfect and trying to do our best, is what matter most, so we can teach to our kids.
Jen, you are awesome. I have no idea how hard it would be to take care of two babies at once, but I do know this: Don't stress. You are doing enough. They are so tiny they will not remember any of it. As long as they feel loved, they're fine. Even if you're not holding them all the time. And using the swing is great.
Jen, I love the way you write!
I wouldn't know how to take care of multiples...but I can say that the more you worry about how you are doing, the harder it will be for you. You are awesome. Just keep telling yourself that. Anything you decide to do for your children and your sanity, you're doing the right thing. I know it, everyone around you knows it, and yes, my dear, you are a super mom because you are a great mother.
There are always good days and bad days.
And, by the way, I used the swing all the time and wasn't the best at "stimluating" him according to "experts", and I like to think Porter's not a dumb rock :) Sometimes we mothers need the break!
Love ya!
You are a clever writer. I love the picture of you carrying both of them, you are too cute and they are ever CUTER my goodness! What a lucky Mom you are!
oh jen, I loved everything you said. Your feelings are very real and very normal. In case you didn't know... there are no 'super moms', everyone is doing their very best... I guess in that case, every mom is a super mom! It's exhausting to try to do everything "right". The only book and pamphlet you need to be a good mother is the scriptures and prayer. YOU are the only one who knows what's best for your children; when they've had enough tummy time, when they need to be held, what to teach them and when. YOU are the expert and I know you're doing a darn good job! You're right, it must be very hard to care for one boy while the other one lies there looking at you. But, he knows he's loved... and that all those little babes need (well, that and milk). You are a wonderful mother, Devin is a wonderful father and you both have 2 adorable boys!
Jen, I love how you write! It's just like talking to you. Well you already have to be super mom because you have survived 2 months of taking care of two babies at once. Don't stress about trying to do everything perfect. Whatever is the best you can do is perfect for you babies. And yes the swing is a life saver. If not for the swing I would not be able to shower for the first year.
Nicely put Jen! Of course I don't totally understand the whole of it the way some would but I loved the post. Just in case, I may need to find out what that thing is you are holding them both in :) lol
The great reality of motherhood is that everyone feels inadequate...and everyone screws it up sometimes. (Which sucks because you then feel that your children deserve more than you can give them). I am not convinced that the so-called "parenting experts" are not more contributing to the ever-growing anti-depressant" problem among mothers than helping us to be better parents anyway. :)
The good news is that once you know that everyone feels exactally the same way (even the moms who seem to be supremely put together) you can ditch the guilt and competition that you feel with other moms of the world and focus on loving your little crumb-nuggets the best way you know how. (Which is truely the best way as you know better than anyone else what those little sweetcakes need.)
PS. I never did any tummy time, and my kids are still reasonably intelligent and emotionally stable humans. Just remember, there are a lot of right ways to raise children....but only a few ways to really screw them up.
...and you are doing none of those.
Love to you!!
So precious! Wow, you've super mom for sure. Congratulations!
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